Why NOT To Do a Startup.
slides from my talk on "Why NOT to Do a Startup". (updated from Tahoe Tech Talk - Oct 2010)
- Why NOTTo Do a Startup
because You Will FAIL, Loser.
Master of 500 Hats
Tahoe Tech Talk - Oct 2010
- #1: Yer a WANTrepreneur.
Youre in this for all the Wrong reasons:
You think its So Fucking Cool to do a startup
You want to make LOTS of Money.
You have Teh AwesomeTechnology Solution.
The Right Reasons:
You Live in Fear.
You Cant Get Laid.
Something has been PISSING you off FOREVER.
YOU ARE PASSIONATEABOUT [SOLVING] A [CUSTOMER] PROBLEM
- #2: You are a FAT and LAZY SLOB
Youve worked at Microsoft for >5 yrs.
You Drive a Nice Car & Its Paid For.
You Live in a Big House.
You Dont Worry About Paying Bills.
You Want to Kiss The KidsGoodnight.
You Your Spouse > Your Startup.
tip: Doing a Startup is a Lesson in Pain & Sacrifice.
- #3: You Have a BUSINESS PLAN,But No Product and No Customers.
Bullshit Revenue Projection ----->
(up & to the right)
See: Startup Metrics for Pirates
- #4: Your Idea SUCKS(and even your Mom thinks so)
You Dont Have a Working Prototype.
Worse: Have Prototype, But No One Uses It.
It Sucks a Lot More than the Competition.
See: Lean Startup (Ries) & Customer Development (Blank)
- #5: You Have Teh Awesome SOLUTIONto a PROBLEM that does not exist.
See: Your Solution
Is Not My Problem
- #6: Youre a LOSER, not a LEADER.
You Procrastinate. A Lot.
Youre not Charismatic.
You Get Beaten [Up] Regularly.
Your Vision is usually Wrong.
Youre Scared of Change.
When Other People Tell You That Youre Wrong, You Believe Them.
and youre Uglytoo, bitch.
Watch: Kick-Ass or Glee
- #7: Your Pitch Sucks & You Wont Raise Money (or SuperAngelsCollude to Screw You Over)
50 slides in your deck
See: How To Pitch a VC
- #8: Your Team Sucks, and You Have No Idea How to Hire (or Fire).
No Technical Founders / Coders
No Design / UX / Usability
No Internet Mktg (Search, Social)
No Enterprise Sales / Biz Dev
No Recruiter, or They Suck Bad.
- #9: CoFounders& Employees =Whiners.
You WILL miss a payroll.
Someone WILL eat last slice of pizza.
There WILL be Office Politics.
People WILL discover and compare salary & stock options.
Someone WILL sueyer ass:
- #10: You Cant Sell or Market 4 Shit.
You Dont Know Marketing.
You Think Marketing = TechCrunch.
You Dont Know What SEO stands for.
You Think SEM = SEO.
You Dont Know or Use Social Platforms (Facebook, Twitter, YouTube).
Youve never built Facebook or iPhone App, or a Social Game.
Youve never sent an email campaign, written a blog post, or run an affiliate marketing campaign.
See: Startup-Marketing.com (Ellis)
- #11: Youd Rather Change the Channel Than Change The World.
Wouldnt you rather watch GLEE or Monday Night Football?
Sure you would, Loser.
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