Why NOT To Do a Startup.

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slides from my talk on "Why NOT to Do a Startup". (updated from Tahoe Tech Talk - Oct 2010)

Transcript

  • Why NOTTo Do a Startup
    because You Will FAIL, Loser.
    Dave McClure
    500startups.com
    Master of 500 Hats
    Tahoe Tech Talk - Oct 2010
    @DaveMcClure
  • #1: Yer a WANTrepreneur.
    Youre in this for all the Wrong reasons:
    You think its So Fucking Cool to do a startup
    You want to make LOTS of Money.
    You have Teh AwesomeTechnology Solution.
    The Right Reasons:
    You Live in Fear.
    You Cant Get Laid.
    Something has been PISSING you off FOREVER.
    YOU ARE PASSIONATEABOUT [SOLVING] A [CUSTOMER] PROBLEM
  • #2: You are a FAT and LAZY SLOB
    Youve worked at Microsoft for >5 yrs.
    You Drive a Nice Car & Its Paid For.
    You Live in a Big House.
    You Dont Worry About Paying Bills.
    You Want to Kiss The KidsGoodnight.
    You Your Spouse > Your Startup.
    tip: Doing a Startup is a Lesson in Pain & Sacrifice.
  • #3: You Have a BUSINESS PLAN,But No Product and No Customers.
    Bullshit Revenue Projection ----->
    (up & to the right)
    See: Startup Metrics for Pirates
  • #4: Your Idea SUCKS(and even your Mom thinks so)
    You Dont Have a Working Prototype.
    Worse: Have Prototype, But No One Uses It.
    It Sucks a Lot More than the Competition.
    See: Lean Startup (Ries) & Customer Development (Blank)
  • #5: You Have Teh Awesome SOLUTIONto a PROBLEM that does not exist.
    See: Your Solution
    Is Not My Problem
  • #6: Youre a LOSER, not a LEADER.
    You Procrastinate. A Lot.
    Youre not Charismatic.
    You Get Beaten [Up] Regularly.
    Your Vision is usually Wrong.
    Youre Scared of Change.
    When Other People Tell You That Youre Wrong, You Believe Them.
    and youre Uglytoo, bitch.
    Watch: Kick-Ass or Glee
  • #7: Your Pitch Sucks & You Wont Raise Money (or SuperAngelsCollude to Screw You Over)
    50 slides in your deck
    Technical Jargon
    Demo FAIL
    Clueless Investors
    EVIL Investors
    See: How To Pitch a VC
  • #8: Your Team Sucks, and You Have No Idea How to Hire (or Fire).
    No Technical Founders / Coders
    No Design / UX / Usability
    No Internet Mktg (Search, Social)
    No Mobileexpertise
    No Enterprise Sales / Biz Dev
    No Recruiter, or They Suck Bad.
  • #9: CoFounders& Employees =Whiners.
    You WILL miss a payroll.
    Someone WILL eat last slice of pizza.
    There WILL be Office Politics.
    People WILL discover and compare salary & stock options.
    Someone WILL sueyer ass:
    Sexual Harassment
    Wrongful Termination
    Unhappy Customer
    Jealous Competitor
  • #10: You Cant Sell or Market 4 Shit.
    You Dont Know Marketing.
    You Think Marketing = TechCrunch.
    You Dont Know What SEO stands for.
    You Think SEM = SEO.
    You Dont Know or Use Social Platforms (Facebook, Twitter, YouTube).
    Youve never built Facebook or iPhone App, or a Social Game.
    Youve never sent an email campaign, written a blog post, or run an affiliate marketing campaign.
    See: Startup-Marketing.com (Ellis)
  • #11: Youd Rather Change the Channel Than Change The World.
    Wouldnt you rather watch GLEE or Monday Night Football?
    Sure you would, Loser.
    Just relaaaaaxxxxxx.
    Fuck.
    That.
    Noise.
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