From Troubled Waters to Water Under the Bridge

  • Published on
    28-Jan-2018

  • View
    237

  • Download
    0

Transcript

<ol><li> 1. From Troubled Waters to Water Under the Bridge: A Panel About Conflict Management Jenn Sramek, Shannon Vettes, Angie Byron </li><li> 2. Introductions Jenn Sramek Shannon Vettes Angie Byron </li><li> 3. Agenda 3 Stories Agenda: - Our Conflict - What Would You Do - Management Strategies Wrap-up/Take Aways Q&amp;A </li><li> 4. Lenfer, cest lautre Hell is other people. Jean-Paul Sartre ~ Huis Clos/No Exit </li><li> 5. A Tale of a Discovery that Takes a (Deep) Dive - Conditions - Numerous people - Many of them meeting for the first time - In a warm room - For a week together... - High pressure for everyone - Agenda is set prior to the week... - With little time for conflict if we want to complete it.... </li><li> 6. Jenns Conflict Analysis - What happened? - Because the larger team was meeting for the first time, everyone was on it - So was I! - How did this show up? (Conflict elements) - Conflict and disagreement among individuals, individuals vs. group and group vs. group - Competitive vs. Cooperative attitude; noticeable to everyone - Progress was slow through the first days agenda, </li><li> 7. From the end of day one of this Discovery, what would you have done? A. Had a meeting of the whole team in the morning to address conflicts B. Addressed conflicts as they arose, but with new strategies C. Address conflicts with the individuals directly, privately D. Something else? AUDIENCE POLL TIME! </li><li> 8. Mischief Managed - How did we resolve the problem? - Reviewed the day with the team (internal) - Discussed each stakeholder, their wants and needs, and how to move them toward productivity - What were the tactical actions? - Calling out wants and needs during the workshop discussions to confirm/validate them - Addressing individual conflicts as they showed up - Addressing individual concerns privately with concerned parties </li><li> 9. Resolution Technique to Diffuse or Redirect Difficult Personalities #1 Identify Identify the type you are dealing with (Tanks, Downers, Passives, and Better Thans) Remember: Do not try to change them (ie. get the passive person to stand up for themselves) </li><li> 10. Types of Difficult Personalities Tanks are known as being explosive, a handful, or bossy. They want their way and will do anything to get it. Passives are also known as Push-Overs, Yes (Wo)Men, and Weaklings. They may not contribute much to conversations or people around them and allow others do the hard work. Better Thans are also known as Know It Alls, One Uppers, or Show-Offs. They like to try to impress you, name-drop and compare. Downers are also known as Negative Nancys or Derek/Debbie Downers. They always have something bad to say. They complain, critique and judge. They are almost impossible to please. </li><li> 11. Try to understand them and direct their energy more productively. This will help you: Better predict their likely choices Understand why you (or others) are triggered. (Hint: Find the difference in what people value?) Appeal to what they value instead of what you value #2: Redirect </li><li> 12. Don't let them be toxic to you Ask specific questions; find what they are excited about Find the *right* situations to include them, and the right ones to exclude them Maintain boundaries for yourself Escalate or get support if you cannot get things productive #3: Detoxify </li><li> 13. Difficult Personality Type #1: Tanks - What is this type? - Tanks are known as being explosive, a handful, or bossy. They want their way and will do anything to get it. - How did I recognize the Tank? - Resisted discussing and adapting to new ways of doing things - Argumentative, tried to take control of the discussion to argue minor points - Wanted to place themselves as a lynchpin or gate to decisions, even if not appropriate - How did I defuse the Tank? - Worked with them to identify things they can own that make sense - Made sure to include them actively in discussions What do you think, Sue? </li><li> 14. Difficult Person #2: Passives - What is this type? - Passives are also known as Push-Overs, Yes (Wo)Men, and Weaklings. They may not contribute much to conversations or people around them and allow others do the hard work. - How did I recognize the Passive? - They were the silent stakeholder and kept their opinions to themselves even when asked for them - They deflected or avoided ownership of tasks or coordination (Fred already has that handled, I am not sure I have the time) - They visibly lacked self-confidence (and this may have been due to another team member) - How did I defuse the Passive? - Interacted with them one-on-one, where they were less likely to be actively contradicted or argued with by others - Found out who they needed to please and made sure there was a clear path to pleasing them </li><li> 15. Difficult Person #3: Better Thans - What is this type? - Better Thans are also known as Know It Alls, One Uppers, or Show-Offs. They like to try to impress you, name-drop and compare. - How did I recognize the Better Than? - They asked questions that felt like a test rather than to move the project or conversation forward - They often listed or highlighted their own experience, or pointed to it as superior, before making a point - They interrupted or negated things others said, and seemed to argue for the fun of it - How did I defuse the Better Than? - Found a way for their skills and expertise to shine; gave them a way to make a name for themselves in the new context - Acknowledged that a foundational decision did not go their way, and tried to get them to see new ways to win under current conditions </li><li> 16. Difficult Person #4: Downers - What is this type? - Downers are also known as Negative Nancys or Derek/Debbie Downers. They always have something bad to say. They complain, critique and judge. They are almost impossible to please. - How did I recognize the Downer? - They were very critical of even brainstormed ideas - Interactions with her seemed to increase anxiety - Noticed myself and others being accommodating or adapting their behavior to please (even if it did not work) - How did I defuse the Downer? - Similar to the Better Than, we acknowledged that a foundational decision did not go their way, and tried to get them to see new ways to win under current conditions </li><li> 17. Love Hate Relationship </li><li> 18. Our story begins like this </li><li> 19. Once upon a time... </li><li> 20. New Project Energy. Trust Pressure </li><li> 21. A few mistakes later... </li><li> 22. A seed of doubt. Trust Pressure </li><li> 23. Many more mistakes later... </li><li> 24. First I spoke with the Vendor Watch out for these people, Im telling you, the customer is a total B****. </li><li> 25. Then, I spoke with the Customer Theyre crooks. They just want to get more business &amp; money out of us. They dont actually care about solving our problems. </li><li> 26. Who do I believe? </li><li> 27. It Doesnt Matter. </li><li> 28. No one was at the table. </li><li> 29. So what happened here? - Key Conflict Areas: - 1/ Crisis of Trust - Misaligned expectations - Poor project leadership - Power Struggles - 2/ Communication Cultural differences (both regional &amp; company-focused) - Tone: mutual hostility fueled the fire. - Phrasing: the one expected very explicit instructions, the other didnt. - Approaches: the one expected iterative changes, the other didnt. </li><li> 30. AUDIENCE POLL TIME! A)Tell the team life is too short &amp; move on. B)Help the customer because theyre your bread &amp; butter. C)Help the partner because there are more projects at stake. D)Stay impartial, try to </li><li> 31. Shannons Solution Story 1) Get your head right. - Accept that conflict is perfectly Normal. - Dont Ruminate . - Find your calm-down strategy. </li><li> 32. Shannons Solution Story 2) Resolve the trust crisis. - Generate Empathy - Motive analysis, check your perception - Know what the issues are, not what your position is - Find the 3rd story - Focus on the problem(s), dont categorize the person </li><li> 33. Shannons Solution Story 3) Focus on the Goals. - Dont focus on your position, but rather the common goals - Treat it as a challenge, not a problem - Try to find the win-win </li><li> 34. Shannons Solution Story 4) Communicate Nonviolently - Focus on feelings and behaviors When you do _________, I feel ______, and I would like _____ . - Be ready to listen to their I statements </li><li> 35. Shannons Solution Story 5) Be ready to listen the right way... - Sense: The meaning - Feeling: The emotions - Tone: The how - Intention: The why </li><li> 36. Shannons Solution Story 6) Collaborative actions - Decide - Do - Follow up and follow through </li><li> 37. Community Conflicts Take your average "normal" conflict and ramp it up to 11. </li><li> 38. Specific challenges </li><li> 39. The Quadrant Graph of Awesomeness! Awesome at what they do Awesome people to work with </li><li> 40. The Quadrant Graph of Awesomeness! Awesome at what they do Awesome people to work with Awesomeness! :D </li><li> 41. The Quadrant Graph of Awesomeness! Awesome at what they do Awesome people to work with Awesomeness! :D Mentoring! =&gt; </li><li> 42. The Quadrant Graph of Awesomeness! Awesome at what they do Awesome people to work with Awesomeness! :D Mentoring! =&gt; Buh-bye! </li><li> 43. The Quadrant Graph of Awesomeness! Awesome at what they do Awesome people to work with Awesomeness! :D Mentoring! =&gt; Buh-bye! </li><li> 44. An oldie but a goodie... Behold, the dread: https://www.drupal.org/node/107061 (Add jQuery Teaser Splitter) </li><li> 45. "Don't hesitate to stick your head in a microwave oven, and grill until satisfied." </li><li> 46. Core committer : </li><li> 47. You're new to this community. What are your takeaways? This community condones people insulting others who are asking reasonable questions. I am now scared to speak up, because I might get publicly chastised. (And by a project leader, no less!) if I am an asshole who likes insulting others, I think, "Great! This is the community for me!"This is not a "meritocracy." It is a collection of people who are willing to put up with other peoples' crap. </li><li> 48. AUDIENCE POLL TIME! A. Do nothing at all. B. Reach out to "victim" privately and show support. C. Call "attacker" out (privately or publicly). D. Report to the Community Working </li><li> 49. What happened: humour used to diffuse the situation </li><li> 50. What happened: humour used to diffuse the situation ... </li><li> 51. http://powerofted.com/the-drama-triangle/ </li><li> 52. </li><li> 53. </li><li> 54. Change the game. </li><li> 55. http://powerofted.com/the-empowerment-triangle/ </li><li> 56. "Hi, kbahey. You should be able to find answers to those questions in the issue summary. If it's unclear, feel free to edit based on the previous responses. I'd like to keep this issue focused on architectural reviews." </li><li> 57. Wrapping up </li><li> 58. Key Takeaways - Use the right value language for each personality type - Use non-violent communication: "I feel ___ when you do ___ and I would like ___." - Joint goal setting is key to getting to a win- win. - Conflict is both inevitable and natural. - Have empathy for both yourself and others. - Seek the "third story" out in any conflict. </li><li> 59. Resources &amp; References Shannons talk was influenced by &amp; references these works: Non-Violent Communication By Marshall B. Rosenberg PhD The Art of Conflict Management: Achieving Solutions for Life, Work and Beyond By Professor Michael Dues Getting to Yes By Roger Fisher, William Ury Conversation Tactics: Strategies to Confront, Challenge and Resolve book 2 By Patrick King How to Have that Difficult Conversation By Dr. John Townsend and Dr. Henry Cloud </li><li> 60. Q&amp;A Does anyone in the audience have a conflict they would like to ask the panel about? </li><li> 61. WHAT DID YOU THINK? Locate this session at the DrupalCon Vienna website: http://vienna2017.drupal.org/schedule Take the survey! https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/drupalconvienna </li></ol>

Recommended

View more >