Kate Daniels - A Wallk in Victoria's Secret

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A Wallk in Victoria's Secret


KAT E DANIELS From ((A Walk in Victoria's Secret" If an ;,ifmll muld speak, he Uloll ld '10 doubr pronoullce lIte a(l if sucking a/ Iris mOlller's l!feasr by fa r Ihe mosr imporrallf ill l,i5 life. s. Freud I love- smelly, sweaty breasts bound down in pra( tiLast night , I watched my sons on the O-line of the football field , S(> distant in their grown up bodies, so far from mOlher's mi lk, To remind them now of the meals they made of me would mOrlify and unmJn them, so I keep that silence. Afterwards, I embraced them in their helmets and their pads, and leaned hard into the rank, crotic fragrancc they emitted, yearning to return to our early years together, when I was hardly more to them than a universe of approdching odor, a twin-hulled, human spaceship rocketing across a galaxy with my burst ing, squirting cargo of warm, sweet milk , I loved the smell inside my nursing bra_ I used to dip my face imide, dnd bn.'athe, and pull away, feeling drunk solidarity with my hungry baby. I loved the sodden rllll'lk of soaked nursing pads Aung to the Aoor. I loved the o ily, thin taste of my own milk. I loved my husband's m outh, in the dark, relieving the pressurt". I loved the mounting. My baby mounting his objects of desire, and making them run with milk, sucking Out the cream, raising the heat and falling hack, drunk and gluttonou" post-coital, on the sweaty, smelly pil low of my Aesh. Now that it'sal! over, now that my breasts arc diminished and dried out and will never run with mi lk again-N ow that my nipples arc like those of a b>Tammar school virgin, and look like raisins desiccated past their prime-Now that the specter of cancer of the breast is stat istically more than a d istant possibility_ N ow, that twO empty bott les in the window above my wri ti ng desk, once filled and refilled with Holman's D;liry milk, permanently remind me of my former glory and gleam straight through with absence r need only touch my chest to imagin~'-Now r walk through the radiance ofViC\o ria's Secret, drunk with the ghostly, concave images of all those rohust hreasts, waiting to he suckled and cupped . In her bardy lite rate way, my mother's mother must have meditated on the dua l mysteries of en'ry womdll 'S bR'dsts tlldt Freud, in his genius, almost ruined: the sweet delight of a baby's nursing, and the harder edges of the pleasure delivered by a moaning lover's sucking mouth. Far back in the previuus n:ntury, I have eunjured Victuria. I can see her after supper, kaningovcr the dishpan in the ki tchen sink, her mind bksscdly free of psychodnalysis, She pumps a basin full of cold, clear Wdler, and opens the fro lll of her gingham dress, and lifts her beauties from Ihe thick white bindings of her homemade brJ . Leaning awhvardly, she dips them down and dabs them with a roughened, dripping cloth_ All day, her man has labored in the fi e lds_ In a corner of their room, his dung:.rees crouch in cruS!('d piles of slench as 11{' fa ll s, exhausted on their bed, Even so, tunneling at the very edge of sleep, he moves towards h" for a tiny sip of sweetness, a sugary luzenge of buttery candy, he pulls into hi s mouth_ N ow ('Il