ARE YOU READY TO LISTEN? - Mediators' Institute of Version - Are You... · ARE YOU READY TO LISTEN?…

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<ul><li><p>www.controlrisks.com Control Risks Group Limited </p><p>ARE YOU READY TO LISTEN? A new look at an old communication skill </p><p> Sean Cunningham OBE | Senior Consultant </p><p>13 October 2017, Athlone, Ireland </p></li><li><p>2 Control Risks Group Limited </p><p>A Word of Caution </p><p>Humility that is the magic wordNo man, </p><p>champion, professional or President of the </p><p>United States ever reaches that point at which </p><p>he can say: I have learned the secret </p><p>Sidney L James </p><p>Managing Editor </p><p>Sports Illustrated </p></li><li><p>3 Control Risks Group Limited </p><p>Sean Cunningham </p><p>Police Officer 30 years </p><p>Head of Scotland Yard Hostage and Crisis Negotiation </p><p>Unit </p><p>Director of Security gambling company </p><p>Group Ops Manager and Kidnap Responder </p><p>Currently providing training in kidnap management </p><p>and consulting on kidnap plans and policies </p></li><li><p>4 Control Risks Group Limited </p><p>Current Listening Training Provided </p><p>Control Risks provides communication training </p><p>Our focus is on Listening Skills </p><p>Three specific groups </p><p> Hostages </p><p> Kidnappers </p><p> Families </p></li><li><p>5 Control Risks Group Limited </p><p>Purpose of Session </p><p>A new look at an old skill - Listening </p><p>A look at some problems associated with listening </p><p>Review of current Active Listening Skills </p><p>Consideration about some techniques to improve </p><p>your current abilities </p></li><li><p>6 Control Risks Group Limited </p><p>Are you ready to change? </p><p>Are you a good listener? </p><p>If not why not? </p><p>Do you need to improve your listening? </p><p>What have you actively done to improve your </p><p>listening? </p><p>There is no point in attending a training session </p><p>unless you are willing to change! </p></li><li><p>7 Control Risks Group Limited </p><p>How do you listen? </p><p>Unconsciously </p><p>Incompetent </p><p>Unconsciously </p><p>Competent </p><p>Consciously </p><p>Competent </p><p>Consciously </p><p>Incompetent </p></li><li><p>8 Control Risks Group Limited </p><p>Stop Trying </p><p>on The Inner Game by Timothy Gallwey </p><p>The real question is, Are managers ready to </p><p>surrender trying to control people and trust their desire and capacities to learn, starting with </p><p>themselves? </p><p>Peter Senge, author of The Fifth Discipline: The Art </p><p>and Practice of the Learning Organization </p></li><li><p>9 Control Risks Group Limited </p><p>Problems When Listening </p><p>Need to achieve objectives </p><p>Willingness to override good practice </p><p>Lack of confidence about active listening methods </p><p>Lack of opportunity to prove or realise benefits </p><p>Insufficient time to train and reinforce </p><p>Numbers v Individuals (FBI model of listening cell) </p><p>Unwillingness to accept critical feedback on performance </p><p>An ingrained belief that what we have already is acceptable </p><p>Variety of advice and apparent expertise </p></li><li><p>10 Control Risks Group Limited </p><p>The Best Place to Hide a Leaf is in a Forest </p><p>On Friday last week, I ran searches on Amazon, YouTube and </p><p>Google to see how many references there were for the following </p><p>three subject areas: </p><p> Subject Area Books </p><p>on </p><p>Amazon </p><p>Clips on </p><p>YouTube </p><p>Hits on </p><p>Google </p><p>Negotiation skills 1,798 445,000 About 12,300,000 </p><p>Listening skills 3,665 3,340,000 About 17,700,000 </p><p>Communication skills 38,667 4,190,000 About 197,000,000 </p></li><li><p>11 Control Risks Group Limited </p><p>1. Let me tell you how lucky I am </p><p>2. Let me tell you how much I am worth </p><p>3. Let me tell you how crap the old country is </p><p>4. Let me tell you how brave I was to make this decision </p><p>5. Let me tell you what losers my old friends are who have not moved on </p><p>6. Ask a closed question "What do you do for a living?" </p><p>7. Tell me about my job and how it has affected them </p><p>8. Ask me what I am specifically doing there </p><p>9. Tell me who is there I should meet </p><p>10. Tell me who the best people they have ever met in their lives at that role were </p><p>11. Tell me how they were making nothing of themselves at school but then luck </p><p>shone down on them </p><p>12. Then ask me my name!!!!!! </p><p>The Worlds Worst Listeners: ExPats </p></li><li><p>12 Control Risks Group Limited </p><p>How do we communicate? Active Listening Skills (ALS) </p><p> Minimal encouragers </p><p> Open questions </p><p> Reflecting/mirroring </p><p> Emotional labelling </p><p> Paraphrase </p><p> I statements </p><p> Effective pauses </p><p> Summarise </p></li><li><p>13 Control Risks Group Limited </p><p>Minimal Encouragers </p><p>Small sounds, words or physical </p><p>gestures that indicate to the speaker </p><p>to: </p><p>Go on </p><p>Explain what they mean </p><p>Show that you understand </p><p>Show sympathy </p><p>Show you dont care </p><p>Or conversely to </p><p>Show you are not listening </p></li><li><p>14 Control Risks Group Limited </p><p>Open Questions </p><p>Old </p><p>New Y/N </p><p>OPEN </p><p>CLOSED </p><p>Y/N </p><p>CLOSED </p><p>CLOSED </p><p>OPEN </p><p>CLOSED </p><p>Y/N Y/N </p><p>CLOSED CLOSED </p></li><li><p>15 Control Risks Group Limited </p><p>Using similar language </p><p>Using similar tones </p><p>Using similar body language </p><p>Using the exact words </p><p>All shows the person you are dealing with that you are on their level </p><p>You are someone who understands them </p><p>You are someone they can do business with </p><p>Reflecting/Mirroring/Echoing </p></li><li><p>16 Control Risks Group Limited </p><p>Emotional Labelling </p><p>Improve your vocabulary </p><p>Dont just learn them use them </p><p>You seem: </p><p>Happy bright, content, good humoured </p><p>Sad unhappy, down, dispirited </p><p>Frustrated baffled, irked, nettled </p><p>Angry furious, annoyed, cross </p><p>Confused perplexed, befuddled, bemused </p></li><li><p>17 Control Risks Group Limited </p><p>Communicating by Tone </p><p>You are about to see a table of football results from a </p><p>few years ago. </p><p>In the following clip you will hear the results read out. </p><p>The reader of the results will intimate his emotions, </p><p>through his tones, whether the away team has done </p><p>well or not </p><p>See if you can identify from the tone the score of the </p><p>last team, Bury, to be read out. </p></li><li><p>18 Control Risks Group Limited </p><p>Paraphrasing </p><p>Use the words of the </p><p>question or statement you </p><p>have heard to repeat them </p><p>back to prove you have </p><p>listened. </p><p>This will help you </p><p>understand what has been </p><p>said. </p><p>It will help you answer the </p><p>question properly. </p><p>This does not, however, </p><p>guarantee success!!! </p></li><li><p>19 Control Risks Group Limited </p><p>I Statements </p><p>SPEAKER LISTENER </p><p>Word Count </p><p>Conversation About Self </p><p>8% 77% 15% </p></li><li><p>20 Control Risks Group Limited </p><p>Effective Pauses </p><p> A pause can help you </p><p>control a situation </p><p> It gives you time to </p><p>think </p><p> It makes what you say </p><p>have more gravitas </p><p> To not pause leads to </p><p>interruption and </p><p>frustration </p></li><li><p>21 Control Risks Group Limited </p><p>Summarising </p><p>When to Summarise? </p><p>At the conclusion of a session </p><p>At the restart of a session following a break </p><p>Whenever there is a change of one of the parties </p><p>What to summarise </p><p>Core issue to each party </p><p>Hooks or power words used </p><p>Points of agreement </p><p>Points of disagreement </p></li><li><p>22 Control Risks Group Limited </p><p>Hooks and Power Words </p><p>We are now going to re-listen to the Qualities </p><p>of a Family Liaison Representative we heard </p><p>at the start of this presentation. </p><p>What hooks or power words can you identify </p><p>as being used? </p></li><li><p>23 Control Risks Group Limited </p><p>Advice 3 </p><p>Listen 4 </p><p>Intimidate/Order/Tell/Confidence 5 </p><p>Friends 6 </p><p>Men/women 15 </p></li><li><p>24 Control Risks Group Limited </p><p>In Summary </p><p>Change your behaviour </p><p>Move from Active Listening to Conscious Listening </p><p>Be aware of your minimal encouragers </p><p>Start with closed questions to build rapport </p><p>Match the tone of the other party to signify listening </p><p>Listen for and recognise the message transmitted in the tone used </p><p>Use the exact words used when paraphrasing - but make sense </p><p>Keep your percentage ownership of the conversation low </p><p>Pause to give more weight to your messages </p><p>Summarise using the words most important to the other party </p><p>Be patient and dont be selfish!!! </p></li><li><p>25 Control Risks Group Limited </p><p>Humility??? </p><p>No one else's conversation is quite as </p><p>interesting as mine. </p><p>Frank Skinner, Room 101, 2017 </p></li><li><p>www.controlrisks.com Control Risks Group Limited </p><p>ARE YOU READY TO LISTEN? A new look at an old communication skill </p><p> Sean Cunningham OBE | Senior Consultant </p><p>13 October 2017, Athlone, Ireland </p></li></ul>